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Free At Last

Recently I wrote a story about “Liars Are Thieves,” where liars cheat others of a better life. What’s worse is self deception because unwittingly you are cheating yourself of expressing who you truly are by being some “made up” version of you. Self deception can go on for years, as this fake you cheats you out of a life you have no idea you’re missing! There’s nothing loving about that! Lying to yourself is a lie! It is not the truth! To convince yourself otherwise is a terrible form of lying. Yet, how many of us lie to ourselves everyday, convincing ourselves that somehow it’s all okay? It’s who we’ve always been. It’s what people expect. At what cost to you to lose liberty? What greater cost are you foolishly spending being this somebody else? It’s not your true self, expressing the talents you were born with. Talents that can lead to a fruitful life. Have you lost yourself completely that you don’t know anymore?

That’s the story of Monty.

When Monty was a child, he was an active little boy, curious about life around him. This curiosity began when he caught a beetle at camp, which he read was a Black Beetle, native to New Hampshire, where the camp is located. He named the bug  Camper. Camper becomes an interesting specimen throughout the summer, as Monty learns the lifestyle of a big black beetle. When summer is over and camp ends, Monty decides to show the other campers this two inch exoskeleton that he has for a pet, before he returns it to the woods. The kids are excited to see this “monster bug.” One of the kids wants to take it home, as a plaything for his cat.  

“I can’t let you take this bug!” Monty tells the boy emphatically. “He’s a living creature and deserves better treatment than to be terrified by a cat!”

“I want to see the cat destroy the bug!”

“No! That’s horrible!” Monty retorts.

“Monty, he’s just a bug!”

“He’s a beetle, and a life form.” Monty insists.

“A bug is no life form!”  The boy responds sarcastically.

“What do you think we should do with him, Monty?” A little girl ask

“Throw him away!”  Another child snips “He’s just a bug.”

“I didn’t ask you!” The girl quips. “I asked Monty!”

“He won’t be thrown away!” Monty snaps back. “ He’ll get his freedom that I promise!”

“He’s just a bug, Monty!” The boy with crossed arms retaliates. 

“Yes, but he’s a life firm and my responsibility! I found him. I’m showing it to you before I put him in the woods.”

“Why not step on him and be done with it!” A tall, red headed boy says with a smirk.

“Step on him! How little respect you have for life! He has every right to live. Same as you!” Monty, flares back

“A bug? Do you have respect for all life, Monty!” The older boy asks him.

“Yes, I do!” Monty answers, picking up the beetle and putting in his palm, like he had done hundreds of times before.

“I imagine it must be pretty scary for this little bug to be in my palm.“ Monty empathizes. “ I’m so big and he’s so small.”

“He’s big for a beetle!” One kid quips.

“But he’s still small, compared to me!” Monty retorts.

The kids acknowledge that it must be scary to be a bug.

“It’s time for you to go, Camper.” Monty tells the black beetle before gently placing it on the ground several feet away.

“You’re free!” Monty exclaims. “Free! Free to be! Understand?” 

Whether the bug understands or not, he’s soon out of sight. The children shrug, leaving the field.

“I feel really good giving that bug its freedom.” Monty tells the kids as they leave. “I’ll miss Camper. He was a good pet.”

Years later, this lesson in freedom is tested on Monty, who is now a grown man. 

Today Monty works at an office job that he hates. It’s not that the job itself is bad. It’s just that he’s overwhelmed with more paperwork that he can comfortably handle. Everyday, he leaves the office drained, while work piles up on his desk. Despite efforts to implement what the corporation insists will make the workload easier, Monty is strapped to his desk, with no time for a full lunch or bathroom break. Lunch is last night's leftovers chowed down with a cold cup of coffee. 

Monty suffers from chronic indigestion and a sense of worthlessness. Despite the amount of work he produces, he is never acknowledged for doing a good job. Management expects a large workload to be performed at that desk, so Monty must meet their expectations, or suffer the consequences. Since Monty can’t afford to lose his job, he buckles down and works harder.  Despite his high level of performance, management always criticizes, stating improvement could be made. It’s satisfactory, but never exemplary. Monty is on a treadmill. This job is keeping him stuck in a life that’s unfulfilling. The job has become a habit that he does every day without regard to his own health or well-being.

This goes on for several years until Monty has a heart attack. His body is overworked, and why he must change or die. During this time of convalescence in the hospital, Monty assesses his life. For the first time in years Monty has a chance to relax and think. Usually when he gets home, he is keyed up over the job that he can’t relax, or is too tired. After a heart attack, he feels it’s necessary to make changes. But how? And to what? He doesn’t know what course of action he should take. 

How can I make a change when I don’t know what I’m going to do?   

Perplexed by this problem, Monty falls into a deep sleep.

For some odd reason, Monty dreams about the  release of Camper. He remembers how he gave freedom to a little bug. When Monty wakes, he questions why he had that dream? Clearly, I am not free. I need to give freedom to me! But how?

When the nurse comes in, she sees that Monty is deep in thought. She asks how he is feeling. Monty tells her about his feelings, how he is thinking about his life and how it must change. The nurse watches Monty closely.

“ I don’t know why I’m telling you this” Monty tells the nurse frankly. “ I guess, it’s because you are a nurse and easy to talk to.”  

The nurse smiles. Then she proceeds to tell him a story.

“Several years ago, I was wrestling with some serious problems. I came across a very good book that helped me immensely. It changed my life, so today I'm living happier than l had in years. I think I have a copy of that book; I'll bring it to you tomorrow.” 

Monty nods as the nurse leaves.

The next day, the nurse gives him the book, which is about how to improve your life.

“I can’t promise you anything.” The nurse tells Monty. “But I can say it helped me, and I hope it helps you.”

Monty takes the book and after the nurse leaves starts to read it.

The book is an easy read with exercises that he is to answer truthfully. There are questions Monty hadn’t thought about before. One of the questions is why he chose the job he has? Answering truthfully, Monty realizes that he took the job because he needed the money. He didn’t care what the work was, he just needed a job. Anxious to get the job he lies, telling the interviewer he had done a similar job before, which he hadn’t. Maybe if I hadn’t lied things would be different? 

Thoughts roll like a spinning wheel in his head. 

I had to take the job! I needed the money!

He remembers that he wasn’t thrilled with aspects of the job, where his duties included serving the department without question. That meant he was the low man on the totem pole, unable to voice concerns about treatment from coworkers, who treated him unfairly. Looking back, he sees how vulnerable he was. Obviously, the interviewer saw that he was desperate and took advantage of that fact. Because I needed the money! What a trap this has been! Now I’ve got to change things because I can no longer continue to work at the level I have if I want to stay alive.

Monty stares out the window for several minutes contemplating what he’s going to do next. The book is very helpful, opening his eyes to how he’s been living his life. Still, the question remains. How can I change it? I need to work!

When the nurse comes in, she sees Monty in deep thought. When Monty looks at her, she asks him how he likes the book. Monty isn’t sure what to tell her.

“ I like the book just fine.” Monty tells her. “It's just that.. ” Monty’s voice drifts. The nurse senses Monty is working through things in his mind and touches his hand.

“ I sense that you’re uncertain about your future. Is that it?” She asks.

“ That's exactly it!” Mony replies.

“That’s a relief !” She tells him with a smile.

“A relief?” Monty exclaims “Maybe for you!”

The nurse smiles. 

“You've just started reading this book and are now learning about self discovery. The more you know about yourself, the sooner you'll know what to do next. That may not make any sense right now, but I assure you, it made a huge difference in my life. That'‘s why I encourage you to continue. Do the work! Be honest! The rewards are immeasurable when you apply what this book teaches. Don’t be surprised if you become an entirely new person! I did! Your life can change in ways that amaze you!”

Monty watches her, as her tone shifts and her eyes beam.

“Transformation isn’t easy,” she continues. “But it’s necessary to truly change your life.”

Monty listens to what she is saying, feeling the truth of her words. Transformation? I certainly need that! Her sincere tone gives him the impression that there is a way to resolve this problem.

When the nurse leaves, Monty is determined to make the effort, promising himself to do the exercises in the book, so that he can, as the nurse said, transform his life.

Within days, Monty’s attitude about life and how he sees himself have changed. He’s learning the importance of trusting himself, which means truly believing in himself. This takes daily mental practice is like exercising. It’s requires discipline and why he meditates every morning. Throughout the day, his internal dialogue is different, avoiding derogatory statements he says about himself throughout the day. 

When he returns to work, the manager of the department expresses no sympathy to Monty. Instead, he rushes Monty to his desk and tells him he expects Monty to get this work done today. Monty looks at the desk, then at the manager. He sees nothing has been done since he left. The work is piled high, with the expectation that he is supposed to complete 2 weeks of work by the end of the day. Monty breathes deeply before turning to the manager, telling him that he’s giving his two weeks notice.

The manager looks at him glaring.

“You mean to tell me that you’re going to walk out of here when we have all this work to do?” The man says fuming.

Monty calmly responds.

“I will work for the next two weeks before getting my severance pay, but I won’t work another day after that. Each day I will do as much as I can, but I’ve had a major heart attack and I must think about my health first.”

The man explodes.

“You think you’ve got health problems! I have an ulcer! I’m expecting you to do this job! That's what you’re paid for!” 

Monty takes several deep breaths before responding. He realizes that previously this man was able to bully him. His treatment toward Monty was a major reasons why he had a heart attack. Monty wasn’t about to allow this man to bully him again.

“Like I said,” Monty continues. I’ll do what I can each day, but I’m not going to push myself beyond normal limits. Another heart attack could mean death for me.”

The man fumes, incest by Monty’s calm tone and demeanor. The boss’s face has become red as a beet, anger filling his senses, while spewing a litany of insults to Monty. 

“You mean to tell me you don’t need the job! You don’t need to make money? You did when you got hired! That’s why you were hired in the first place because you needed the money and we gave you a job!” 

Monty replies calmly.  “I still need to work, but I will find work that is more suitable for me.”

“You mean, you don’t have another job?” The man asks sarcastically.

“Not at the moment.” Monty replies.

The man looks at Monty as if he’s grown two heads before bursting into laughter.

“Aren’t you the biggest fool! Giving notice when you don’t have a job! Ha! Ha! Ha!” The man bellows.

The old Monty would’ve been upset by the tone and words the manager is using, but the new Monty feels victorious. He feels strong that he's standing up for himself with the belief that somehow he’ll find something else. He knows it’s truly best for him to move on.

Each day, Monty comes and does his job as he said he would. Every day, his boss makes a point of laughing or jabbing or saying something ugly to him, which Monty does not take to heart, but ignores. He realizes that this manager is enforcing his decision to leave, which encourages Monty to get out of there as quickly as he can.

That week, Monty applies for several jobs and hasn’t gotten any response. Normally, Monty would be concerned, because he needs to work and can’t be without a job. Still, he trusts that he has made the right decision. While meditating one day, he senses he should look at the book again. When he picks up the book, it turns to a page titled “Know What You Want!”

Finding that particular topic at that moment seemed like divine intervention. It definitely got Monty’s attention! “Know what you want” seems simple enough, but honestly Monty didn’t know what he wanted. All he knew is he wanted to leave his job and get something better. 

After reading the chapter, Monty writes down what he would really love to do. According to this book when you know what you want, opportunities become available so you can receive it. 

Monty never heard of anything like this before. He thought you took what you were lucky to get.  He never thought that you could actually decide what you want and get it. That idea seemed beyond reason. Still, influenced by the nurse who claimed it did wonders for her life, he decides to think about what kind of work he would love to do. Since he loves the outdoors and anything that has to do with nature, Monty decides he would love a job working outdoors and in nature. That weekend, Monty decides to go take a drive to the country. 

The drive was a pleasant one. Monty enjoys smelling the fresh scent of pine, along with hearing the chirping of the birds, while feeling the sun resting gently on his face. He takes in several deep breaths. Ah! This is the life!

Driving deeper into the country, he sees a park. Upon entering the park, he meets a Park Ranger.

Monty studies the Ranger for several minutes. He looks at his uniform and his hat, thinking how good it would be to wear a uniform like that.

The Park Ranger asks Monty what he’s looking for. Without hesitation, Monty confidently replies  “I’m looking for a job.” 

The Park Ranger is taken aback. 

“Oh really? What kind of job are you looking for?”

“I was looking at you, thinking I’d like to do your job. Not that I’d take your job or anything like that!” Monty says with a grin. “But a job as a Park Ranger would suit me perfectly.”

The Ranger looks at Monty squarely.

“I see.”

Monty‘s eyes remain on the Ranger.

“It just so happens, we have an opening for a Park Ranger that we’d like to replace right away.”

Monty’s eyes widen.

“What qualifications do you have?”

Without hesitation, Monty replies.

“Actually, I don’t have any, except I love nature and the outdoors. I can’t think of a better job for me. Truly sir, it would be a privilege to be a Park Ranger, if you gave me the privilege to work with you.”

The Ranger admires Monty’s sincerity.

“You certainly sound like someone who would love to work here. We like to have guys with experience, but sometimes the only way to get experience is to get the job!” He turns to Monty and smiles.

Monty responds. “My sentiments, exactly!”

“When could you start?”

“I’m finishing up my current job this week, Monty replies. “So, I could start next week.”

“How about you coming in this weekend, get some training before the job starts on Monday?”

Monty nods his head.

“That will be fine.”

“Good. Fill out this paperwork and hand it to me before you leave the park today.”

Monty nods, and does what the Ranger asks, completes the paperwork and turns it in.

“Sir, I can’t tell you what a privilege this is and how much this means to me. When I was a kid I gave a beetle its freedom. I know it may sound odd, but you did the same for me today. I can’t express how much that means.”

He tells the Ranger, shaking his hand.

The park Ranger looks Monty in the eye and says, “I think you’re worth more than a beetle!” He tells Monty with a grin. “Still, I understand. It takes courage to go after what you want. We need men like that. Thank you for stopping by today, Monty. See you Saturday.”

As Monty drives off, he feels an overwhelming sense of relief. I’m free! I’m free! 

Monty realizes he would not have gotten this opportunity if he hadn’t believed in himself. Knowing what you want is important. That, coupled with faith makes the impossible possible. Applying yourself in this way, like Monty, you’ll find a job you love too. Have faith in yourself, and let magic happen.